This week I have spent a lot of time thinking about ways that God prepares His children and the ways He prepares His missionaries to become teachers, learners, and eventually fathers. I have thought about the many warnings that He has put before us and how He advises us to heed to every one! Many prophets and apostles have taught that we must follow every commandment and not just pick and choose. We must follow the whole commandment and not just a portion of it! As I have been on my mission, I have noticed how worldly I was before I came out on my mission. I desired so much of the worldly things. Mom, as I was able to talk to you on the phone . . . I mean e-mail you :) you told me about Gabe Ried's family member from Samoa and how she told you they know the real meaning of life! But anyway, it was something I have been able to relate to now. As you live without all of the worldly things, your main concerns are feeding the family and raising your children. Your focus becomes more on the family.
I have written a few letters before about how I have a new understanding about the family and a newly found stronger testimony that I wouldn't trade for the Lamborghini Gallardo!!!!
I'm so grateful to have had the chance to live here in Tonga and to learn so much that I could not have learned any other way!
Back to the topic of of God preparing us all to be who he needs us to be. Many people, at least me, think that missionaries are perfect and that they don't get temped by the adversary. Boy was I ever wrong about that! At times, I feel satan working on me more than ever in my life and man can missionaries mess up!
For the past two weeks, now going on three, we have not had running water at all. We have not been able to shower and we do not get any food in the mornings. Waking up to that, on top of the fact that our area is struggling with missionary success, creates an internal struggle to get up and start my day. The clock rings at 6:30am and I look at the clock and I don't know if I can go another day. Some days I have failed myself and the Savior by missing my wakeup time. On these days, I have felt the spirit leave me. I felt different. The only way to compare it is to say that I felt like "Blake Harmon" instead of "Elder Blake Harmon". I have been called as God's servant and to run on His time. I have lived my whole life on my time and this is just two years to run on His time!
I have felt the spirit telling me to repent and to move forward, but you are my family whom I love and I feel like I have let you down. So, I wanted to write a letter and ask for forgiveness and tell you that I am sorry for my hiccups and struggles along the way. I know that because of your support and your love towards me, it gives me strength to be obedient and to strive to do my best!
All I want to do is be the very best I can. It is a lot of pressure and sometimes I feel like I am so weak and I can't hold all the weight. I just want to be an example that my little brother and sister can follow. I have had days and I have had weeks and sometimes a month that have given me pain and have thrown every stone and every rock at me to the point where I though I might quit....then I get on my e-mail and Mom or Dad tell me how big of an example I am and suddenly I have more strength and I am able to take more hits by the stones of my trials. I just want Brandon and Brooke to know that I am doing my best for you two because I love you! I love you so much and want what is best for you. I want you to know that you can make it and that this path of the gospel is the only way to true joy and that through obedience in Christ you can receive that joy! Mom, Dad, and Brittany have been those examples to me and have made it so easy for me to follow on the path because their footprints were so deep in the path of righteousness! I only hope to be that example that will help you continue on the path of joy!
I would like to bear my testimony of prayer and of the confirmation of the spirit. I know that through sincere prayer and a true desire to seek for an answer, you shall receive it! It is not on our time schedule and it is not always how we want it, it is how the Lord wants to give it to you! If we are listening, the spirit can tell us where we need to go. I know this because I have prayed for help and listened for the spirit to guide me. With the spirit, I am a better person and a better missionary that I ever would be without it!
I have a whole new perspective about enduring our trials well! They may bring us down to our knees physically, but spiritually you should get on your knees and through prayer you shall become strong enough to stand.....but because we can now stand, does not mean that we should leave our knees, but rather, because we now have the strength to stand, we should continue to kneel.
May Heavenly Father protect & be with you until we are united again!
Your Son/Brother
Elder Harmon
But Never Shall We Forget.....We are an Eternal Family!
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